(Totally Not) The End of the World As We Know It

By December 21, 2012 Just For Fun No Comments
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I have to hand it to REM for writing that song. In terms of ongoing licensing revenue, it may be more profitable than even a song about really loving your car (another good option, since such a song would be used ad infinitum in auto commercials).

Today, the day the world will supposedly end, I feel obligated to offer more of a rant than an informative article. And that is simply this: the 2012 phenomenon is stupid. It’s boring. And it’s not even based on a real end-time myth. Many religions predict the end of the world, but the Mayans by no means predicted that it would happen on December 21st, 2012. On that date, the long count calendar they used simply flips over. It’s the modern day equivalent of tossing out our copy of “Exotic Chickens 2012” and replacing it with “Overly Cute Kittens 2013.” Very dull. So all the hype and furor is nothing more than a marketing ploy, and one that’s brought us nothing good. Take the movie 2012, for example. Now there’s a disaster. Ugh. 150 minutes of special effects, flat dialogue and inane plot twists all set off by “mutant neutrinos.” Really?? Mutant neutrinos? Blech.

So feel free to put off telling your loved ones you care (or don’t – there’s still a lot of texting while driving going on) and leave your stock portfolio in place. The world will still be here tomorrow. But the Mayan calendar does eventually end, so you might reset your “panic alarm” for that date. When is it? Oh, about the year 26,870,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. This is about 2 quintillion times the length of time scientists believe our universe will exist, so good luck waiting around for that. It’ll come about long, long after electromagnetism and the other three fundamental forces have broken down, preventing the existence of even atoms and making for a pretty lousy time all around.

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